Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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