my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish i was in the wii world.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
