I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
