Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
