She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
