I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
