just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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