She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
