ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
