You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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