Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
