you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
