he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
