i don't like sucking hair
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
