What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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