and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
