you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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