I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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