You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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