im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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