Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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