I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
