Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
