Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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