God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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