hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
