This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
