Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
