Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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