Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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