im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
