i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
