Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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