My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
