guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
