I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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