The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
