Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
