A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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