I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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