i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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