I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
