i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
