when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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