how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
