The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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