I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
