I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
