Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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