It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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