thus making me awesome and them whores
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
