So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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