im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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