forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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