don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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