she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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