im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
