Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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