There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
