i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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