that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
