I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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