he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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