No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
