id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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