We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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