I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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