ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
