OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
