My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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